Advice, Thoughts, Coaching, and More
STOP Trying to be the Cool Parent and Just be the Parent.
By Nancy Kislin, LCSW and MFT, Parent Educator
I overheard two women talking today about how exciting it was last night to see all the kids taking pictures before Prom. I smiled to myself remembering how much fun my daughter and I had shopping for her prom dress and getting her hair done. Indeed, it was a special mom-and-daughter-bonding time.
And then I heard one woman say that she bought her daughter a wine bra.
I was abruptly brought back to reality. A what? A wine bra. That’s right. You heard me – it’s called a wine bra or a wine rack. I quickly googled "wine bra" and found out that Amazon sells a product entitled “The Wine Rack.” It costs a mere $29.99, and if you have Amazon Prime you can have it by the next day. It comes in small, medium or large.
The Wine Rack is a removable polyurethane bladder custom-shaped bra. It has a long drinking tube with an easy-to-use on/off valve to control the flow of the wine. This bra is machine washable but you need to hand wash the “bladder” part.
It was not the wine bra contraption that alarmed me as much as the mom’s statement that she "had to find her daughter a Wine Bra for her Prom dress.” Why was it her responsibility to purchase this bra? Why did the mom even know the daughter was going to sneak in alcohol to a school function? It is still illegal to drink if you are underage.
Many teens are not afraid to let their parents know that they are drinking. And many parents often turn a blind eye to the drinking and sometimes even purchase the alcohol for them.
I have many suggestions and comments for these parents but the biggest one is – stop spoiling your child. Stop treating them like a child.
If they want to drink at least let them figure out how to get their alcohol without mommy helping them and paying for it. Better yet, talk to your kids about the dangers of underage drinking, drunk driving, and how alcohol is often a gateway to drugs and the beginning of a lifelong addiction.
You don't do your child any favors by catering to and enabling harmful behavior. Your job is to supply the consequences and the boundaries, not the booze.